Women Who Wander: Interview #3—Stephanie Bazijanec

Lessons learned, and chickens earned

🌸Stephanie is who I have to thank for giving me the opportunity to live some of the best years of my life. I was living in Colombia at the time when she conducted my job interview over Skype for a position in Bali. I remember how easy it was to talk and laugh with her, and a couple months later I was on a plane to a part of the world I had never been. That foot in the door changed the entire trajectory of my life, and I’m eternally grateful for the chance she gave me. Steph is highly creative and artistic, a very tuned-in parent to a young daughter, and possesses an entrepreneurial spirit (While living in Bali, she hooked me up with everything from a motorbike to rare commodities like yoghurt and pickles.) I hope you enjoy the interview!🌸

Where are you from and where are you currently based?

I am originally from Wawa, a small town in Northern Ontario, Canada. I’m currently based in Bali, Indonesia.

How would you describe your travel style/international experience (e.g., backpacker, digital nomad, luxury, slow travel, expat)?

I would describe my international experience primarily as a blend of backpacking, volunteer work, and now life as an expat.

What are you passionate about outside of travel?

Outside of traveling, I am passionate about family, being creative, and raising my daughter.

What else would you like people to know about you?

I find it interesting to consider how people perceive me now. At 40, having lived in Indonesia for 15 years, many might assume I arrived as a backpacker or someone looking to teach English, who then married and settled here. They wouldn’t necessarily know my journey to Indonesia or what my life was like before. Sometimes, I feel it’s important for certain people to understand my roots and what led me to this place, but other people don’t need to know all the details.

When did the travel bug first bite?

I think I first caught the “travel bug” when I was 12 or 13 years old. My aunt and uncle owned a house in the Bahamas, and I was given the opportunity to visit them by myself. This meant packing for an international trip and even flying alone for part of the journey. My days were spent with my aunt and uncle, exploring local beaches, trying local food, and learning about the Bahamas. A requirement for this trip was that I raise money to buy school supplies for children in the Bahamas. Seeing that aspect of international travel, the poverty and joy from the school children was incredibly eye-opening.

What inspired you to start traveling solo (or live abroad)?

My inspiration for traveling abroad truly came from a desire to help other people. I love to travel, experience new things, and try new food, but what really captivated me was getting to know people, hearing their stories, and seeing how the “face of travel” looks so different from country to country. Yet, when you truly get to know individuals and their stories, you realize that someone in Brazil might have a very similar story to someone in Japan regarding life stress, financial pressure, and societal expectations, despite their many cultural differences.

Was there a moment or event that pushed you to take your first trip alone?

My first big solo trip was when I was 24. I was having what some might call a midlife crisis, and I wanted to explore something new, do something different, continue to explore that “travel bug” and see where those roads would lead.

What did your friends/family think of your choice to travel solo/move abroad?

I quit my job, thinking I would only be traveling for a year and then return to Canada. However, we’re now on year 15 of living abroad, and I have no plans of living in Canada full-time in the near future. I believe after year two or three, my parents probably questioned if or when I would return home, and if living in Indonesia was becoming more of a full-time reality than just a year or two working overseas.

What countries have you lived in/traveled to?

I have been to Colombia, Brazil, America, England, Croatia, Pakistan, Malaysia, Vietnam, Cambodia, South Korea, Japan, Australia, and Indonesia.

Volunteering in Colombia

How do you choose your destinations?

When it comes to choosing a travel destination, I’ve found it’s usually because I have a connection in that country, whether it’s a family member or friend. In my opinion, this makes traveling much easier because you can get recommendations on places to go, things to see, and things to avoid, instead of just relying on travel blogs or books. I prefer to hear about it from people who know me, so we can work together to create a unique and personalized experience rather than just going to popular tourist destinations.

What is one thing you never travel without?

Besides the obvious passport and money, I think one thing I never travel without is probably an extra pair of underwear.

What’s been your most challenging experience abroad?

One of the most challenging experiences living abroad has been the vast difference in how people deal with garbage. In Canada, we have bins for glass, paper, and metal. However, in some parts of Asia, locals might deem it acceptable to simply dump rubbish in the river, whereas in cities in Japan, there’s practically no rubbish on the streets. It’s quite eye-opening how different countries handle waste.

How have you dealt with language barriers?

When I was younger and first started to travel, language barriers were much more difficult than they are now. There would be times when you’d have to act like a chicken or use charades to get a message across. Nowadays, with Google Translate, language barriers are much easier to navigate compared to 20 years ago. That being said, I also think it’s very important to make friends with locals who understand that you truly want to learn their language; they can help you with the nuances of pronunciation or explanations of things that online translations can’t do.

What cultural differences have been the hardest to adapt to?

Some of the hardest cultural differences I’ve had to adapt to are based on religious or cultural traditions. In the West, I was raised knowing that it’s okay to ask questions, to ask “why”, and to understand that your parents or teachers could be wrong—that nobody’s perfect. But as I’ve traveled, it’s been a bit eye-opening to see cultures where traditions are upheld through respecting elders and observing cultural taboos, and lack of questioning why one is supposed to do these things. These have been a little hard to adapt to.

Have you ever faced discrimination or bias as a solo female traveler or expat?

Thankfully, I haven’t faced a lot of discrimination or bias as a solo female traveler or expat. However, I once needed help buying a new flight ticket in a very rural location because tickets weren’t sold at the airport, only by an agent. I didn’t know where the agent was, so a local took me on his motorbike to buy a ticket. I only verbally said “thank you” afterward, without paying him. Later, a Western friend of mine asked if I had paid him, and I realized the expectation was that he wasn’t going to help me for free, and I probably should have paid him. So, I think there’s a fine line between some people genuinely helping because they want to be helpful, and others who help because they expect money or a reward. Sometimes, people are helpful even when we don’t ask for help, and then they expect compensation. I wonder if this dynamic would be different if I were traveling in a group or with a male companion.

What travel or expat mistake taught you the biggest lesson?

Sometimes, when we are in difficult situations, we don’t realize until after the fact that maybe we should have asked more questions or sought a better description or explanation of the situation. I remember going with my boyfriend at the time to his village to meet his family, and I just thought we were going on holiday. I didn’t realize or know that in his culture, bringing a girl home meant, “This is the girl you want to marry, and you’re introducing her to your family.” None of that was ever explained to me. So, I was greeted head-on with comments like, “This will be your house when you get married” or “This is where the ceremony will take place.” There were even priests and extended family members, and I genuinely thought I was just on holiday. I think it’s crucial to ask questions and get explanations, and when you are in an uncomfortable situation, to get out of it. Perhaps that’s why I like traveling to countries where I have a connection, so those friends or family can help explain situations or experiences.

What’s been your most empowering or memorable travel moment?

Some of the most empowering and memorable experiences in my travels have been learning about peoples’ situations and how they cope. For example, when I was volunteering at an orphanage in Pakistan, we naturally associate “orphanage” with children who don’t have parents. However, that wasn’t entirely the case there. Yes, some children did not have parents, but there were also children who had siblings, a mother, and a father, but the family simply didn’t have enough money to financially support all the kids, whether that meant sending them to school or providing for their basic needs. So, they could send them to an orphanage where they would be cared for.

When I was in Brazil, I was volunteering with street kids, working with children as young as 5, 8, and 12 years old who were sniffing glue and asking for money. To see how a mother, for instance, might encourage her child to go to the street to beg for money, can easily turn into a situation where that young child becomes addicted to drugs and their life is ruined. This highlights how, if there were more education, resources in the community, non-judgmental services, and potential assistance from the government, these negative, life-changing decisions that a family or child might make might not happen.

Volunteering with Crossworld in Brazil

Have you ever felt love at first sight with a city/country?

In each city or country I’ve visited, there are things I love and adore, and things that are challenging or that I don’t fall in love with. I remember going to Lombok, Indonesia, and really enjoying the small-town, beachside vibe. Or eating fresh pasta on an outdoor patio in Zagreb, Croatia with my cousin. Or seeing Aboriginal dances and storytelling in Perth, Australia. But then, sometimes, when you learn about the history, the hurt, and how far a city or people have come, it can make you fall in love with the country even more, or it can make you step away from it faster.

Have you ever participated in a local tradition or ritual that deeply moved you?

When I was in Flores, Indonesia, I was given the gift of a chicken as a thank you or an offering. Various family members had pitched in to give me this gift, which I couldn’t take with me as I had to travel by airplane, and I didn’t know the first thing about what to do with a live chicken. The sacrifice, the tradition, and the idea of giving such an important gift were deeply meaningful to the locals, and it moved me. It also opened my eyes to reflect on the types of gifts we would give in Canada, where a chicken certainly wouldn’t be on the list for a guest coming to your home.

What’s the most bizarre or unexpected skill you’ve picked up from living abroad?

I can’t think of a bizarre or unexpected skill I’ve picked up from living abroad, but I think the longer I live in Indonesia, the more I’m able to accept some of the bizarre and unexpected “rules” that exist here regarding how to deal with police, government officials, and authority.

How has your intuition evolved through solo travel?

My intuition has evolved through solo traveling in the sense that when you find yourself in an awkward or uncomfortable situation, it’s better to try and get out of it as soon as possible. I am not a local; I don’t know what’s down that street or around the corner. I don’t know if the person I’m talking to has friends nearby or if they have a ploy or a plan to do something. So, I think my intuition has helped me to not justify staying in an awkward situation.

How have your priorities or worldview changed since living abroad?

Before I moved to Indonesia, I had a very specific worldview. But when I came face to face with Muslims in Indonesia and got to hear some of their stories and life choices, my worldview changed to be more accepting and understanding of differences. Just as there are different Christians with different morals and values, not all Muslims are extremists; those are just the ones often portrayed in the media or doing drastic things. My eyes were opened quite a bit to understand and accept Islam once I was able to make some Muslim friends and embrace that worldview.

Do you feel like the same person who left home?

I remember moving to Indonesia and talking to some friends back home who said I had changed. At the time, I thought, “No, I haven’t! I’m still the same me. I may not spend my free time doing the same things I did in Canada, but I’m still the same person.” But now, years and years later, I realize, “No, I actually did change a lot.” I’m not the same person I was at university, nor am I the same person I was when I first arrived in Indonesia 15 years ago. I have changed.

Is there a version of you that exists only in a certain city or country? What brings her out?

I don’t necessarily think there’s a version of me that exists only in a certain city or country, but there are versions of me that emerge depending on the chapter in my life—whether it was a more outdoor adventure side, or comparing myself as a university student to now, or before I was a mom versus being a mom.

Have you ever felt more ‘yourself’ in a foreign culture than in your own? Why do you think that is?

I think there’s a side of me that would love to be more “beachy” since I live in Bali, but if I were too beachy, it might potentially affect my job and how people perceive me. So, I think I have a good balance of being beachy and chill, while still being well-accepted and liked at my job.

Is there anything you grieve about the life you’ve chosen?

I think this is a very interesting question because I don’t necessarily have regrets in my life, but I may grieve that certain choices were made or not made that could drastically change how the rest of my life unfolds. Realistically, I probably won’t get to visit South Africa, and I think I just have to accept that it may not be in my future travels. However, if I had picked a different route in my life or made different choices, South Africa might still be at the top of my list.

Have you formed meaningful relationships while abroad—romantic or platonic?

Yes, I’ve made some very meaningful relationships abroad, the most prominent one being with my Indonesian husband. Living in a place like Bali, where people are always coming and going, I don’t have any interest in being friends with people who are backpacking or only here for a few weeks before leaving. So, I became quite close with some colleagues. Coming to Indonesia as single women, getting married to locals, living here for a few years, and some of us having kids (and some not having kids) really narrows down and filters the people you want to invest in, and the people you want to be invested in by. These are some of the most meaningful relationships I have to date, but they are very different from the relationships I had at university or in high school.

Wedding photo with husband Ian in Indonesia

What’s something you’ve borrowed from another culture that you now consider part of your identity?

I don’t necessarily think that I’ve “borrowed” from another culture. Rather, there are countless cultures I’ve been able to learn about and take parts of their culture to grow myself, which then become part of my identity. Perhaps we can be quick to judge sometimes without really knowing the full story, or be critical without understanding the background and recognizing that culture, traditions, religion, and expectations all play huge parts in one culture compared to another.

What languages do you speak? Do different sides of your personality come out when you speak different languages?

I speak English and basic Indonesian. Obviously, using English allows me to portray more of my true personality, feelings, and emotions because I don’t know all those words in Indonesian. It can be quite easy to maneuver through formal and informal aspects of a language, so sometimes I might second-guess what I say or how I say it, and if I’m saying it in the correct way. Even though I might be able to speak basic Indonesian, my underlying grammar is still English, and so I know that’s part of the reason why an Indonesian person may not fully understand what I’m saying, even though I’m speaking their language.

What’s the most hilariously bad translation or miscommunication you’ve experienced?

In the Indonesian language, the word for “head” is “kepala” and the word for “coconut” is “kelapa,” so, I once asked my helper to go to the market and buy a head instead of buying a coconut.

What does home mean to you?

Home to me is where I feel comfortable and where I can be more of my true self. So, Canada will always be home; that’s where I was born and raised, and where I spent 24 years of my life. Indonesia is where I have a home, but I still feel somewhat like an outsider since language, culture, traditions, and religion create barriers that I will never fully understand, highlighting huge differences between Indonesia and Canada.

What reverse culture shock have you experienced returning to your home country?

I don’t experience a lot of reverse culture shock as I genuinely enjoy Canada and what it has to offer. I enjoy the food, the people, and the landscape. I don’t miss rice or Indonesian food when I’m in Canada, nor do I miss the culture or the language. However, I remember when I was 18 and went to Brazil, after spending a number of weeks working with street kids, I went to a pharmacy and just needed to buy one thing. I was so shocked by the vast variety of shampoos and conditioners, especially when the children I had just been working with may not have washed their hair in weeks. We just have so many of these items in Canadian pharmacies. That really opened my eyes to how much Canada is focused on consumerism and offering whatever the customer wants, as opposed to just having one item available. If that were the case, the Canadian customer would most likely not be very happy about it.

If your travel life had a theme song, what would it be?

Simple Life by Carolyn Dawn Johnson - I wouldn’t say this is a theme song for my travel life, but I would say this is a theme song for my future, for when the travel is done and I just want to have a simple life.

What’s one piece of advice for women taking their first solo trip?

A piece of advice for taking a first solo trip: every day, or every few days, try something or do something you’ve never done before. Whether that be going into a new store, trying a new food, going to a different part of town, or speaking to locals. Get out of the box.

Volunteering in Pakistan